Alon vs. The Chicken Pot Pie

As most of you know, I have a bit of experience in the pie baking business. So needless to say, When I saw that sign for Award Winning Pies!, Best Pies in England!, and Don't miss our Pies!, I had to go in. I walked in to the shopand received that common English polite mannerisms. Hello there! Come on In! Would you like to have a Pie? (Please read that with a heavy English accent, you know the kind that you only see in American movies, you know, as if you were talking like a king's jester).

YES! I replied excitedly. She showed me the last available pies and I felt a strong urge for that last Chicken Taragon and Bacon Pie that was sitting there all by it self. Waiting for me since it was a chicken, a pig, or a plant. So many kingdoms of Nature working together to please my afternoon appetite. Oh, did i not mention the gravy? How could I forget! Would you like some gravy on that, govna?! (English accent… ok she didn't REALLY call me govna) Obviously, I replied. She does a few tricks behind her counter and after a few moments…. VOUALA! A little box with my first English Pie.

Alright alright, I'll admit I never did make a salty pie back when I was working at the Seattle Pie Company, but any Pie maker would tell you, its all about the crust. I give it a 6 out of 10. although it was nice and tasty, and a bit soggy from the gravy, the pie crust was hard to cut. I really had to stab it inorder to penetrate! I was actually thinking that the thing came with instructions! You know something like How to eat the pie :). Should I pick it up and bring it to my mouth? Should I cut it from the center? Should I eat it from the out side in or from the middle out? I don't know, this is too much pressure! To my surprise, I did find instructions. RIGHT ON THE BOX. Unfortunately, it showed customers not how to eat the contents, but how to open the box! (…pause…) What?! Are people THAT fucking stupid?! They need instructions to open a box?! Jesus… Now, how do I eat this thing?…

I finished eating and went off to Tate Modern. I've always wanted to go there and here's my chance. Thank you, English Pie Keeper! Your dish was superb! (www.pieminister.co.uk).